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Scheme Completion

 

“Seattle offers the lowest carbon footprint for cargo shipped by sea from Asia to major markets in the Midwest and East Coast. That’s what makes us the Green Gateway for trade.” Brace yourself, the Green Gateway is getting even greener…$13.17 million greener to be exact. Our benefactor? Shell Oil.

In February, the Port of Seattle signed an agreement with Foss Maritime that entitles Shell to dock their Arctic drilling fleet at Terminal 5 for the next two years. “By making a secret deal to house Shell’s Arctic drilling fleet in Seattle, the Port shut out the public and subverted laws that are designed to foster an informed public assessment of controversial proposals like this one,” said Earthjustice Managing Attorney Patti Goldman.

The controversy? There are many. Suffice to say, Shell and Mother Nature are not exactly BFFs. For example, in July of 2012, after the federal Bureau of Safety and Environmental Enforcement granted Shell permission to drill off the Alaskan coast, Shell’s Noble Discoverer nearly drifted ashore. Four months later the ship caught fire. This is the same ship that is set to dock at Terminal 5. “The Port of Seattle is putting their stated goal of being a 'Green Gateway' and an environmental leader at risk,” said Washington Environmental Council President Becky Kelley. “Hosting this fleet with a record of discharging oil-contaminated water, flies in the face of their environmental goals and ours.” In short, Arctic drilling is no joke.

CALL TO ACTION Help us save the Arctic, the Green Gateway, and ourselves! How? Bad jokes. You are now a member of the Arctic Worst Joke Army. We are a rapid response tactical force. From March 20th until April 17th, our mission is to fill Seattle with bad jokes, like:

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam; orI went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any; orTwo antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much,but the reception was excellent.

When we say bad, we mean it. Your jokes can be delivered as secret messages, singing telegrams, or anything else you can think of.There’s only one rule: to raise awareness, you must integrate the hashtags #WORSTJOKE and #SAVETHEGREENGATEWAY into your delivery of the joke, such as:

Bookmarks Go to your local bookstore(s) and insert slips of paper with bad jokes in different books/magazines(preferably bestsellers or more popular publications).Coffee Sleeves You know those cardboard coffee sleeves? Grab a bunch from your go-to coffee shop, take them home,print out a bunch of stickers with bad jokes on them, stick ‘em to the sleeves, and place them back in the dispenser the next day.Newspapers Tuck a piece of paper with a bad joke into the local paper whenever you stop by the newsstand or deli.Napkins Write up your joke on your bar napkin/tab and pass it down to the person next to you or hand back the tab to the bartender.Taxis Leave your bad jokes in the back seat of a taxi for the next rider to find.

Get the gist? Now that you understand our mission, let’s make it happen--create a bad joke, canvas Seattle, and help bring attention to the absurdity of Shell docking at the Green Gateway. But remember:

No matter how bad our jokes drilling in the Arctic is worse!